I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize