I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
