By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
