Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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