I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
