Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
