tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
