Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
