I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
