you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
