why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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