You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
