There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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