i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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