well I can't set my house on fire every night
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
