meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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