We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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