I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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