I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
