the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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