I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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