Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
