foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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