You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
