just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
