yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
