You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
