wat bout pragnant strippers??
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
