I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
