I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
