I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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