"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
