yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
