Cold hands, warm shart.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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