i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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