ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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