Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You ruined the universe
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
