Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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