Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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