we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Also, beer. Big fan.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
