i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
