Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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