I want to stick my p in your. b.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
