i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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