That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
