walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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