Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
