The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
