How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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