**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
