every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i think my cat just said my name.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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