I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
