My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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