It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just googled if crying burns calories
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
soo... how was my night?
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