one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
