The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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