i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
