I looked at my own cervix.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
