i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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