I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
