I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
