I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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