Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
