i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
