David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
