fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
