Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
