I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
