Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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