They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
