If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
