I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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