Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize