a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
