you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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