i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize