I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
