I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
