Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Mom said you looked used
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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