Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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