I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
