I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
