Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
