so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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