i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
