So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
