Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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