So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
