she smelled like a LAN party
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize