new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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