she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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