its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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