At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
