loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
