I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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