I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We have started to decorate penises.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
