The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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