Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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