I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
