maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
