So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
