We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
