If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
