Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
