Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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