Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
