I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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