should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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